Sometimes I feel so judged and misunderstood.

Did I really express an opinion in such a way that warranted a snarky response?

I can’t be a part of an activity, and not be subjected to the ever-so-judgmental, “Why would you want to do that?!? That’s boring!” from certain individuals?

World, I am so very, very sorry that it has taken me so many of my 27 years to realize that I don’t care anymore what you think about me.  Despite the crap that I’ve tried so hard to avoid by being “the quiet one”, I have something to say, and it’s going to be said.  Why is that so offensive to you?

I cannot please you, world.  Nor do I want to.

Because I feel like jumping on the bandwagon…and because I haven’t posted anything in forever.

1. I can juggle. Really.
2. I own a Volkswagen Beetle.
3. Matthew West is one of my favorite songwriters.
4. I am a weirdo and don’t have one favorite color…but there are a lot of colors that I love.  Except seafoam green.  That color should be outlawed!
5. Favorite Bible verse:  John 16:33 (look it up.)
6. I sing.  I’m no diva vocalist by any means, but I get complemented so I guess the singing isn’t hideous.
7. I write poetry. (Look under the ‘Poetry’ tag over there —> to read some of it.  Facebook friends, click here.)
8. I like playing with my camera and taking pictures.
9. I was born in Landstuhl, Germany
10. I like to cook.  Sometimes I get creative, and experiment with recipes a bit, or just throw some things together to make whatever.  I completely suck at baking though…I always burn something.
11. I enjoy painting.
12. dark chocolate > milk chocolate
13. I like road trips.

Now it’s your turn — post thirteen random facts about yourself.

There are quite a few, actually.

First off, I am not a fan of the black eyed peas. (The food, not the band…but then again, the band sucks too…) I don’t eat them on New Year’s Day, even though certain family members try their hardest to harass me into doing it…saying things such as, “You’ll have bad luck!” You say that every year. Has it changed my mind yet? Just saying…

The second thing is tartar sauce. It makes me nauseous. Seriously.

Third…mushy, boiled oatmeal. You know, the breakfast kind that lowers your cholesterol, with the Quaker dude on the box. Oatmeal cookies, however…nom nom nom nom!

Next, lima beans. I will by the more expensive frozen mixed veggies just because they don’t have them.

I’m not a huge fan of okra either…I can eat it in gumbo, but any other way, and the sliminess of it puts me off.

I’m also not a big fan of fish, with the exception of salmon and tuna.

Other than that, I’ll eat most anything. I’ll at least try it once.

How ’bout you??

Question via Question of the Day.

Throughout most of my life I’ve felt like a bit of an outcast. I felt like a puzzle piece that wasn’t cut quite right. Through my younger years, I used my differences to isolate myself, and ultimately developed a bit of an inferiority complex.

Now I understand that I do have a place. Perhaps my puzzle piece needs a bit of sanding and refining to be able to fit in the spot in the puzzle that God has created for me. Do I see how I am a part of the bigger picture yet? Not quite, but I’m willing to be refined in order to know my role.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, Paul writes to the church at Corinth about the Body of Christ, and how there are many parts which do different things, but each is necessary in order for the Body to work effectively. No one can do everything, but everyone can do one thing. We’ve all been blessed with abilities, talents, and interests that are unique to each of our faith communities. We’ve all lived different lives and have different perspectives to offer to areas of ministry within our churches. All of our different gifts can be used together to carry out the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20).

Picture via stock.xchng

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be at this moment in time if a decision by myself or people who have affected my life would have been made differently. I wonder if my life would have turned out better…or worse…than it is right now.

If I think about it, though, I don’t think I would change anything about my life…even the bad parts. (And there have been some pretty bad parts.) My experiences have taught me things that I don’t think I’d have learned otherwise, and every single event that has happened has shaped me into the person I am today. I don’t know if the grass would be greener in the lawn I live in now if something had gone differently in my past.

The tough times build character…they give depth to the soul. But they make the good times taste that much sweeter.

What say you? Would you change something in your past?

Ladies and dudes…

Happy 2008!

Another year has begun, and like a lot of people, I have made several resolutions. However, unlike previous years where I’ve made resolutions, I really feel like I will be able to stick to them this time (of course, everyone says that, so we’ll see). So here they are:

Become friends with the treadmill again. I’m out of shape, y’all. ‘Nuff said.

Get organized, and stay that way! If any of you could see my bedroom right now, you’d understand why this is important…

Reclaim my time and rediscover what I’m about at the core. I need to say no to things, and focus my time on things that I’m passionate about and people that I care about. I have found that those things have been neglected, so it’s time to dust them off. I miss them.

How ’bout you? What is something that you’re resolved to do in 2008?

1.)

Without looking at the questions below, list your top 10 favorite artists

1. Third Day
2. Chris Tomlin
3. David Crowder*Band
4. Skillet
5. DC Talk
6. Leeland
7. Etta James
8. Flyleaf
9. All-Star United
10. Switchfoot

2.)

Q: What was the first song you ever heard by #2?
A: “We Fall Down”

3.)

Q: What is your favorite album of #6?
A: They’ve only had one…

4.)

Q: What is your favorite Lyric of #7?
A: “He may not be the man some girls think of as handsome, but to my heart he carries the key.”

5.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #9?
A: Hmm…either “Drive” or “Thank You, Goodnight”

6.)

Q: Is there a song of #1 that makes you sad?
A: “It’s a Shame” does a bit because of the subject matter…

7.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #8?
A: “Supernatural”

8.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #10?
A: “Learning to Breathe” or “Awakening”

9.)

Q: What is your favorite album by #8?
A: They’ve only had one full-length…but their EPs are good too.

10.)

Q: How did you get into #5?
A: I heard them at youth way back in the day…love them! Own every CD they put out.

11.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #4?
A: “Alien Youth” “Kill Me Heal Me” “A Little More” “Cycle Down” or “Yours to Hold”

12.)

Q: Who is your favorite band member of #1?
A: That’s a hard choice. All of them are cool…they’re a unit. You can’t break ‘em up.

13.)

Q: What is a good memory concerning #4?
A: Rocking out to them in my car. Someday I’ll get to see them live.

14.)

Q: What does #9 remind you of?
A: 1997…seeing Switchfoot, All-Star United, and Third Day for the first time, and seeing that not all Christian music is completely lame.

15.)

Q: Is there a song by #3 that makes you sad?
A: No

16.)

Q: What is your favorite song of #1?
A: “Sky Falls Down” or “Underwater”

17.)

Q: How did you become a fan of #7?
A: All the good singers reference her, so I checked out her stuff, and I love her voice.

18.)

Q: What do you like to do while listening to #6?
A: Worship & reflect…

19.)

Q: Which of the 10 has influenced you the most?
A: Probably Third Day…their music is like my musical soup. It’s got everything I like. Plus Mac’s vocals are always killer.

20.)

Q: Which artist makes you the most happy?
A: They all make me happy, but each in their own way.

21.)

Q: Which artist makes you the most sad?
A: None of them.

22.)

Q: Which artist makes the best dance music?
A: Hmm…well, being as I don’t dance, (I’m white. ‘Nuff said.) this is a hard one to answer. But I would suppose DC Talk’s stuff is better for that.

23.)

Q: Which artist have you liked the longest?
A: DC Talk

24.)

Q: Which artist have you liked the shortest?
A: Leeland

25.)

Q: Are there any artists you will still be listening to in 20 years?
A: Yes, I will pull these artists out from now on, most likely.

26.)

Q: What are you listening to right now?
A: Right this moment? The fan in my computer.

Okay, now it’s your turn. Post your answers in a comment or in your own note or blog.

Stolen from MamaGomer on the Third Day Boards.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a decent blog entry worth publishing. Not that many people read it, (if you do, show me some love and comment. ) but not that it matters. Writing is an outlet for me, and I feel better and more at peace for doing it, regardless if it is read by the masses or not.

I’ve been doing some thinking about the direction I want to take this blog in. So far I’ve written six posts about faith in my life, revelations I’ve had of a spiritual nature. (And I know those of you reading this on Facebook are going, “What the??” I have this blog feeding into Facebook via RSS, which is really cool.)

Being a designer, and one who reads design blogs, I know that it is best to keep a blog on one topic, but I’m starting to think that perhaps I should expand to other things that interest me. After all, this blog is titled Confessions of a SmileyFreak, so why can’t it be about several things I like or enjoy? I mean, Mark Lee writes about anything and everything he’s interested in on his blog, so why can’t I?

So I have decided, in the interest of possibly posting more entries, and in the interest of showing more than just one part of myself, that I’m going to expand my blog to cover current events as I see them, design, music, or anything else that I feel the need to write about. And now that Blogger lets you label posts, I can categorize, which makes multiple topics easier.

So look forward to more from me in the future.

I used to be a girl who bought into all of the worldly stuff, thinking that I should just do whatever was trend. I thought that I should be like other girls, and dress the way they did. I thought I should have boyfriends like they did, and when I didn’t, I thought there was something wrong with me. But there was a bigger purpose to that, and even though I wasn’t paying enough attention to realize it, God’s hand was all over that.

Our culture places so much emphasis on romantic relationships, and has skewed what love is and has ignored what God would have for us in relationships.

I wanted for so long to hurry up and find “the one” who I would marry. All my friends and acquaintances were getting married. So why didn’t I even have a boyfriend? I thought there was something wrong with me. People told me to start looking hard, or I might be a spinster. People advised that I should live with whomever, that I should date a lot, and “experience” (whatever that means) a lot of guys before I settled down.

A couple of years ago, I decided that it was time for me to give up on me trying to find Mr. Right, and just let God handle it. As soon as I did that, I suddenly had this peace about it, and it felt like God was saying to me, “When I’m ready, I’ll put you together with the man you are supposed to spend your life with. In the mean time…”

The mean time has been a time of growth for me, and I honestly think that if I was married two or three years ago, that I would be getting divorced at this moment. I didn’t have much to offer in a relationship. I was too guarded with my emotions, and I had some things I hadn’t dealt with yet. And I still do. It’s a daily process, which, with time and the grace of God, heals my brokenness and prepares me to be the wife that He would have me to be.

That doesn’t mean that the desire for a relationship isn’t there, it just means that I know God knows my heart, He knows most of all what I need, and when I need it. And when the time comes, everything will happen in the most brilliantly perfect way because it will be the love story that God has written, and not the fairy tale that I wished for through my youth.

Through my struggles I have discovered that true freedom comes through the surrender of our will, and our genuine obedience to God. If we give our lives fully to Him, then, and only then, can we truly have the ultimate freedom–the freedom from our sin, that was bought by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who took upon Himself our sins, and died for us. He took the blame for us, and got the punishment that we each deserve for all of the stuff we’ve done.

I know I don’t deserve His grace and love, but He gives it to me even though I’m a fully flawed human being. And that is what is truly awe-inspiring about our Father.

And He loves you too. More than you could ever imagine.

Sometimes I can forget that though I am a human who does stupid stuff, and generally makes a mess of things when left to my own devices, that I’m still washed by His grace. I forget that grace is enough. I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to trust in His Word. I have to believe that forgiveness comes through my humble request of it, not through my constant striving for moral perfection.

According to the book of Ephesians, when we believe, we receive the inheritance of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is our guide. When we read the Word, the Spirit is there, guiding us, helping us understand what it is we are supposed to learn. The Spirit is there when we lift our voices in praise to our God. And he’s there every day of our life, in us. He’s that voice that says, “Are you sure you want to do that?” or “You should help that person over there. They need someone to talk to.”

This inheritance is a glorious thing; yet at the same time, we are trusted with one overall responsibility when we become disciples of Christ—that of going into the world and introducing people to Christ through the way in which we live our lives. We become Jesus through serving, not being served; loving, when people are unlovable; forgiving the unforgivable.

Do people see Jesus in you? Are you striving to live a life that is less about “me” and more about your Creator? Are you listening to what the Spirit is trying to tell you in your everyday life?

I ask myself these questions. I wonder what people see when they look at me. I wonder if I am a reflection of God’s unfailing love.

Something to think about.