Further and further away
you run away from it all
fall to your knees and crawl
running circles of lies
that you tell yourself to survive
instead of walking in truth
what you need isn’t what you’re looking for
your search doesn’t lead to what He wants for you
yet you go toward the eventuality of more pain
like a moth to a flame
that burns its fragile wings
you have no freedom there
just bondage to numb your soul

I’m writing a letter to you
one I never intend to send
to say goodbye to you
so my heart can mend
I’m disappointed in me
’cause I never made you a friend
instead I let fear bring about the end
and I know I’ll never
probably ever
see you again

you conspire against me
whispering lies in my ear
stirring up chaos
making my thoughts so unclear
I want to break these chains
that hold me down in defeat
I need a Savior
to come here and rescue me
I cry out to You
the only One with the power to cast away
the enemies of my own making

Does time slip through my fingers
and make its way to the memory of the past
or has the time that has been placed into my feeble hands
been wasted at your expense?

I wish that I could go back
savor every second and make it last
I wish that I could soak up every precious drop of wisdom
that I allowed to fall to the floor
and study it sitting in my open palms

I ran away so many times
thinking I could run from You
yet knowing deep down that wasn’t true
it’s impossible to run
from the One who is in all things and all places
yet still I ran
each time a new reason why
but You bring me back
right where You want me every single time

I’m so confused
when I look at you
You look so familiar
but you’re so hard to understand

I can’t go on like this
trying so easily to dismiss
the things that went wrong
and what’s going on

take off your mask
and be real with me
so I can finally see
who you really are
because you’re so far
from who you used to be

I’m never going to be perfect
a white marble statue on display
or a rose with the perfect red shade
I’m more akin to the statue that’s fallen on the floor
smashed into a million pieces
or the rose with brown spots
that isn’t so pretty anymore

I can’t be one of the beautiful ones
so I have to accept being blemished
for I know the truth is this
even though I be a rose with spots of dead brown
or a statue that has fallen to the ground
my value is not diminished

My Father loves me as I am in this moment
spots and stains and tears and all
He doesn’t see the damage from my fall
He knows not that my leaves turn brown
He only sees His beautiful child
in need of his love and care

Sometimes I wish for a life that’s simple
to only have things around that matter
but life keeps moving faster
I’m in a tailspin of complexity
a life and time that doesn’t belong to me
with a heart that bleeds to stop

I’ve got nobody to blame;
I’m the fool who dug this hole
and got myself stuck inside
when I’ll get out, who knows?

I keep pretending to be
someone I thought I could make myself into
I thought I would be happy by default
but I just feel insincere

I stare into the mirror
and I don’t recognize me anymore
that girl staring back at me
is not the woman that I wanted to be
she’s an empty shell no one has a use for

I wanna stay in the silence
the place where Your presence is found
I wanna hear what you have to say
You deserve my full attention
but I give it all away

the madness of my life
has me going out of my mind
and I don’t know if I can make it through
disgusted with my own imperfection
forgetting to put all of my trust in You

I forget to remember
my life is not mine to live
my whole life belongs only to my Father
I can’t do anything alone but fail
without Your help I shouldn’t even bother

Jesus help me to live for You
to give up the reins and give up my control
I’ll never be able to make it in this world all alone
I need you to be my ever-present light
be my guide on this journey to my eternal home